Life and Death
by bandgeek18
Summary: After the tragic end of one of their own the samurai attempt to return to their lives. Easier said than done. Emily and Mia are inconsolable; Kevin is cold and distant; Mike is vengeful; Jayden is depressed and on a downward spiral; Lauren is heartbroken and hiding something that could help them all. As they navigate the road of grief the rangers realize death isn't always the end.
1. Unimaginable

Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers, Saban does.

_*Italic indicates thought_

Chapter One: Unimaginable

A/N: I have returned! Hehehe. Did you like the ending of Light and Dark? *Grins evily* So I'll put the warning up here so I don't have to do it ever chapter. Warnings: possible self harm and/or suicide attempts. I'm not completely sure yet. You wanna read it more now, don't you? Well get reading!

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal." -an Irish gravestone

The rangers sat in silence. No one dared say anything. None of them knew what to say as it was. Shock still rippled through their beings as the situation weighed heavily on their minds. Mentor Ji stood in the doorway watching them carefully, unsure about what to do. None of them was crying, yet. The shock was still fresh after only a couple hours. Antonio was dead. It was that simple. Their gold ranger was gone.

Lauren took a deep breath and shattered the silence. "We need to do something...put...put him to rest."

"How?" Kevin asked, feeling drained.

"We...we should bury him," Emily whispered.

"What about his family?" Mike asked.

Lauren looked at Jayden, hoping for an answer, but he was biting his hand staring at the table. Clearly he wasn't going to be any kind of help. "I don't think he has any. Not any that he'd mentioned at least."

"So what then?"

"Like Emily said...we bury him. But not just anywhere. It needs to be...special."

The others merely nodded, the room lapsing back into silence as the memory of the loss played back on their minds.

-3 Hours Ago-

Lauren and the others ran after Jayden and Antonio. She couldn't stop seeing the look of shock and sadness on his face.

"Hopefully Jayden can catch up with him," Kevin said as they ran.

They stopped unsure of where to go. "Where now?" Mike asked looking around.

Lauren was about to answer when they heard something. "It...it sounds like someone's crying."

They followed the noise to a wide clearing. The samurai stopped dead in their tracks at sight before them. Jayden was sitting on the ground, crying; holding a dead Antonio in his arms. Lauren suddently found it impossible to breathe. Blood pounded in her ears as she walked forward on unsteady legs. She collapsed on the ground in front of her brother.

His tears fell on Antonio's still face. Lauren's vision blurred as she starred at his lifeless body. Emily and Mia sat on either side of her, in equal states of shock. Kevin and Mike looked around wildly for any nighlocks, but found none. They sat on either side of the girls, trying to blink away the image of Antonio.

Lauren reached out and gently caressed the gold ranger's face. His eyes were dull without their usual sparkle and love. She wished it was a joke. A sick joke. There was no way he could be dead. And yet...

Emily stared at Antonio in shock. His lips were set peacefully, his head at an odd, impossible angle. The rangers sat in a stunned silence, the only sounds Jayden's soft sobs.

"What happened?" Lauren asked, her voice hoarse and barely audible.

Jayden shook his head and mumbled something. "Jayden," Emily said gently putting a hand on his knee.

Jayden inhaled a shaky breath. "I...He...He wanted me to...I had to..."

"Jayden...did...did you do this?" Kevin asked unsure.

The red ranger nodded. "We both knew. He...he was...dangerous. the black ranger... He...didn't want us to...to...get hurt-"

"So you killed him!" Mike shouted jumping to his feet.

"I...didn't-"

"But you did! You killed him! You killed Antonio!"

"Mike!" Lauren snapped. "Calm down. We have more important things to worry about."

The green ranger nodded, and sat down in the group of grief again, but not before giving Jayden a look. No one said anything as they sat there with their friend. Eventually Lauren managed to speak up. "We need to get out of the open."

There was some nodding in agreement. Jayden stopped crying and wrapped his as tighter around Antonio; afraid someone would take him away. He stood up, clutching the gold ranger to him. He carried Antonio bridal style as the others walked around them, like they were trying to form a protective circle; like anything could hurt him anymore...

Lauren was beyond tired. She brushed away a loose strand of hair, then stopped as she remembered Antonio doing it earlier that day. God, it felt like a hundred years ago. "I'm going to look for a place to bury him," she said, her shock suddenly replaced by the need to do something.

"I'll go with you," Kevin said.

Lauren wanted to argue, but decided against it. After all of this it would be wise that no one go out alone. The two of them stood up and left the house, none of the others even blinking.

Ji was watching them all carefully, especially Jayden. He watched as the red ranger continued to bite on his hand, staring g out at the table with a pained look in his eyes. _I definitely need to keep a close eye on him. _He wanted to offer them words of wisdom, but was honestly at a loss for words. Nothing seemed appropriate for the circumstances. He left the remaining rangers to their own devices.

He walked slowly to the infirmary room, mentally preparing himself for what lay within. He stopped in the doorway when he saw Antonio. The gold ranger's corpse was laying on a bed, head still bent at an impossible angle, eyes staring out at a room and teacher he could no longer see. His arm had slipped and now hung off the side of the bed. Ji approached him with the slowness only grief could bring. He stood there next to the bed, staring at Antonio for a moment. Then, he carefully reached out and took the gold ranger's head in his hands. He jerked the head to the side. A loud crack responded as his neck snapped back into its proper place.

_Not very becoming of a samurai to have your neck stuck like that forever. _He stared into Antonio's lifeless eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry I turned you away, but I'm happy you kept coming back." He reached out and closed Antonio's eyes gently. Then he grabbed his wrist, hand hovering over his still pulse, and put it back on the bed. He swallowed some of his grief. "I hope that laying you to rest will bring the rangers some sort of closure, but I highly doubt it. What I don't doubt, however, is that your loss will eventually bring them closer as a team and a family."

He mentally berated himself as a couple tears leaked from his eyes. "I won't join them when they bury you, and this might be my only chance. Thank you for always coming back. Thank you for being Jayden's friend. You helped him more than you'll ever know. And thank you for not hating me for making you fix all those zords," he smiled. "Antonio you might be the first and last gold ranger, but you will always be a samurai to everyone here. I'm going to miss having someone here to help me stop Mia from cooking, and I'll miss your energy. I'll miss the human side you bring out in Jayden and Lauren. It appears you have a way with them. I've said good-bye to students before, but never like this.

"I honestly don't know what to expect from the others now. Especially Jayden. You were able to perform impossible feats. So how about one more? For me? Don't be dead. Don't die." He shook his head. "But that's even beyond you." He reached out and rested his hand gently on Antonio's own where it lay on his stomach. "Good-bye Antonio. I will certainly miss you. Very much. Just...good-bye."

With that he turned and walked away, thinking he should check on the rangers, but instead heading for his study. He closed the door behind him and put his head in his hands, tears crawling slowly down his face.

A/N: so incase I haven't completely destroyed your feels yet, here's Ji being sensitive, and if I still haven't destroyed your feels...don't worry. I will. Please review! Pretty please!


	2. A Funeral So Small

Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers, Saban does.

_*Italic indicates thought_

Chapter Two: A Funeral So Small

A/N: hey! Thanks for all the reviews. They were amazing. Please keep reviewing!

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal." -an Irish gravestone.

Everyone but Jayden looked up as Lauren and Kevin came back.

"Well?" Emily asked.

"We found a place," Lauren said. "We're the ones who have to do this, because he was killed by nighlocks. We can't tale the chance of someone discovering our secret." Everyone nodded and stood, minus Jayden. He remained where he was, biting his hand and staring at the table. Lauren sighed and walked over, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Jayden," she said. "Jayden it's time to go."

He nodded slowly and stood up, still biting his hand. Kevin and Mike disappeared to go get Antonio. Kevin stopped dead in the doorway, causing Mike to run into him. The blue ranger suddenly found it hard to breathe when he saw his friend. Mike came up and stood beside him. The two of them didn't say anything for a minute. Then Kevin finally moved and approached the corpse. He noticed someone, probably Ji, had fixed his head and closed his eyes.

"Now he won't stare at us," Mike commented. Kevin could only nod. He picked the vs ranger's corpse up and carried him out. "I'll meet you guys outside," Mike said ducking out the back door.

Kevin headed for the living room where the others were waiting. Everyone was there, minus Lauren, who seemed to have disappeared. Emily and Mia gasped a little when they saw Antonio. Emily felt her eyes start to water, but quickly dried them. Now was not the time to cry. Now was the time to focus. Jayden looked at Antonio with complete desperation and sadness. He bit down on his hand harder, a metallic taste brushing his tongue.

Lauren came in with a bag. Kevin raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. "Where's Mike?"

"Said he'd meet us outside."

"Let's go then," Lauren said. "Let's...Let's get this over with."

Kevin nodded. Emily and Mia held the door open for him as he left. When they walked out into the yard they saw Mike standing there with three shovels. "Good thinking," the blue ranger said. They started out towards the location of Antonio's grave. Kevin felt his heart grow heavier with every step as the gold ranger passed through the gate for the final time.

-Life and Death-

It was a relatively short walk, only ten or fifteen minutes. Lauren led the way as they wound their way through the forest. There was no trail back here, so finding their way wasn't easy. She hopped across some atoms when they came to a river. The others followed her example and stopped when she did on the other shore. "Here," she said. "This is his favorite fishing spot. It's hidden, and in the middle of nowhere. We can safely bury him here without risking our secret."

The other nodded. Kevin walked over and laid Antonio down on the ground as gently as possible. Then he and Jayden, who had managed to stop biting his hand at this point, each grabbed a shovel from Mike. They picked a spot a couple yards from the river and stared digging. The girls sat around the gold ranger in vigil, occasionally brushing his hair with their fingers or straightening his clothes. Lauren held his hand the entire time. She picked it up and pressed it to her chest, right above where the pendant he'd given her lay hidden beneath her shirt. Tears dripped down her cheeks.

_"Forever," he agreed, whispering in her ear._

Jayden soon found a rhythm in his digging. Stick the shovel in, lift it, dump the dirt, repeat. In, lift, dump, repeat. As he dug his mind wandered. He suddenly found himself remembering the last time he'd been at a funeral...

_Jayden stood next to Ji as his father's casket was lowered into the ground. Around him stood the other samurai rangers, their faces contorted with sadness. He looked up at Ji and realized he looked sad too. He glanced around and spotted Lauren standing with the guardians of the Tengen Gate. She looked around and spotted him as well. They weren't allowed to talk to each other in order to keep her hidden. Jayden wished it didn't have to be like that. He wished his older sister could stand next to him and hold his hand. He waved a small hello to her. She waved back._

_He looked around once more. There was lots of people there. People who were associated with, and who served the Shiba clan were there. They all looked upset at his dad's death. He turned back and stared at the gravestone with his dad's name on it. Ji held Jayden's hand gently. The young samurai felt tears slip down his face..._

How different that day felt in contrast.

"You know," Mike said, breaking the silence. "I never thought I'd be doing this."

"Burying a dead body, or saying goodbye to a fellow ranger forever before the war's over?" Kevin asked, not stopping his work.

"Both."

The conversation dropped, and no one made any attempts to rescue it. They did their respective parts in silence, each thinking about Antonio.

Soon the hole was deep enough that each of the boys could stand up straight in it, and still be looking at the inside.

"I think it's deep enough," Mike said. Kevin and Jayden nodded in agreement. They climbed up and found that the girls had not moved.

"It's ready," Kevin said. He walked over and picked Antonio up. He carried him to the hole and set him down gently next to it. Then, Mike grabbed his ankles, and Kevin grabbed his hands, and the two of them lowered him down. They bent over the hole and rested him gently on the bottom. Lauren reached for her bag and pulled something out of it. Antonio's barraccuda blade. No one remembered her grabbing it in their rush to get to Antonio after the battle.

She hopped down into the grave and stood in between Antonio's legs. She knelt down on him gently and placed his sword on top of him so the hilt was pointed towards his head. Then, she grabbed his hand and wrapped his fingers around the hilt, then did the same with the other one. Then she climbed up out of the grave, Jayden giving her a helping hand.

They all stood there around the grave looking down at Antonio for a second.

"We should each say something," Mia said. "I'll go first. Antonio was...amazing. He...He just wanted to help...and...I'll miss him a lot." Unsure of what else to say she nodded to Emily.

"Antonio," the yellow ranger said quietly. "You were an absolutely amazing person. And...wherever you are now, I hope you have an endless supply of fish to catch. And if...if you're with your family now...then...I hope that...that you tell them what you did. I hope you tell them the choice you made and how you're a hero. Because you are." She looked at Mike next.

The green ranger cleared his throat. "Uh...I'm really going to miss having someone to joke around with. I'm going to miss your fish recipes. I'm even...I'm even going to miss you using Spanish and confusing us. Just...see you around...I guess." He looked at Kevin.

"Um...Antonio you were...You were an amazing samurai. You were there when we needed you, and you were there when we didn't want you. You knew though. You knew it was what you were destined for, and you stuck with it. Your determination, your loyalty, your bravery, and your absolute goodness made you a samurai. Far more then any family tree or tradition could."

He nodded to Lauren. "Antonio I...I..." Her voice shook with each word. "I loved you. More than anyone else in the world. You...You were the most...wonderful person I'd ever met. You lit up my whole world. I love you. And nothing...not even death can change that."

Jadyen knew it was his turn, but he didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't protect you, and I'm sorry I couldn't help you. My best friend...my brother. You deserved a lot better than me." Tears started failing down his face. "And I want you to know...that I'll never forget you. I didn't deserve a friend as loyal as you. But that didn't stop you. You...You always came back. Goodbye, Antonio."

_"Now no matter how far away you are we''ll always be friends forever..."_

Everybody stood there for a while, not really sure what to do. They all felt like they should finish it, but no one wanted to. Finally though, Mike walked over to his shovel and grabbed it. Kevin and Jayden grabbed theirs as well. Mike scooped up the first shovelful of dirt and closed his eyes as he let it fall into the grave. The girls turned away. No one could watch as dirt was shoveled over Antonio's body.

Jayden felt like he was going to get sick with each shovel of dirt that was replaced. When they finished they smoothed the dirt over. Everyone stood side-by-side, staring at Antonio's grave. Kevin disappeared walking down the riverbed. He returned minutes later with a rock. He put it on the ground, right above where Antonio's head was. He stepped back. Emily pulled her samuraizer out and drew a couple symbols, flipping them onto the rock.

Lines started to appear, like a finger was drawing them. When it finished they saw it was Antonio's symbol. The symbol of Light was etched into the rock. Beneath it was a fish. Jayden had to smile. They had to protect their secret, but it was nice to have some sort of marker for Antonio. Mike was next, pulling out his samuraizer. He drew several symbols and sent them in different directions. A couple went to the ground, making grass grow beautiful and green over the newly dug earth. The other one made flowers grow near the rock-headstone. A whole patch of white, wild flowers. The other went to the ground by the riverbank. Bushes started to grow. Then more and more. Soon a whole line of them was there.

They grew so that they formed am arc, separating area around the grave from the rest of the forest. He stepped back and they stood there in heavy silence. Jayden felt so helpless and alone. He closed his eyes against more tears. In his mind he thought again of the funeral for his dad. Of a cemetary filled with people, dead and alive. He thought of a fancy gravestone and grievers lining the grave. And then you had Antonio. laying to rest in an uneven hole with a rock that couldn't even beard his name.

_But,_ part of Jayden argued. _Antonio probably would've like it this way. He'll forever rest in a place that was special to him, and he was laid there by those who loved him. his rock bares the two things that mattered far more to him than his name._ He nodded at this idea. Lauren put her hand on his shoulder.

"Lets go home," she said gently. The rangers each took one last look at the grave.

"Bye Antonio," Emily said softly.

They followed Lauren across the river back to the opposite shore. Jayden stopped and took one last look. He felt grief weigh him down like a rock in the very river he stood near. His is eyes, still red from the seemingly endless tears he'd cried in the last few hours, started to water again. His voiced shook with pain as he softly whispered before following the others...

"Good-bye."


	3. Emotions

Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers, Saban does.

*Italic indicates thought

Chapter Three: Emotions

A/N: hey! So this chapter is kind of short, but, off well. Please review!

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal." -an Irish gravestone.

Lauren disappeared into her room as soon as they returned to the Shiba House. Tears that had been long held back started falling down her cheeks. She collapsed on her bed as sadness took over completely. She sobbed quietly, Antonio's face running through her head. He hand closed around pendant. She sat up and went to sit on the ground. She sat with her back against the ground, staring at the pendant.

It wasn't worth a lot in price, but that didn't matter. To her it represented something special. A promise made to her by someone who she'd loved. A promise to be with her forever. "But you're not," she whispered. "You're not here forever and there's nothing I can do to change that."

Emily retreated to her own room as well. She stopped for a second outside Lauren's door. Her heart broke when she heard the red ranger crying. She didn't know why she wasn't crying yet herself. She walked into her room and shut the door. She stood there for a minute, unsure of what to do. Finally she decided on just sitting at her desk.

She went and sat down, the last few hours playing through her head. How long ago was it that Antonio had left for a picnic with Lauren, promising to cook them some fish that night. That morning...but it felt like thousands of years. The very thought of eating fish made her sick to her stomach. Tears slipped down her face as the definite finality of the situation hit her.

Antonio was gone. He would be forever. There would be no more gold ranger. No more fish, or talking about fish. No more exclamations in Spanish, no more light to brighten their day. She put her head in her arms, resting them on her desk and cried. It was all she could do. She'd lost one of her friends. Someone she considered family. She just didn't know why it had to be him.

Mia sat in the living room with Kevin and Mike. Jayden was out in the yard doing who knew what. She found it was a little hard to breathe as tears slipped down her face. _Why Antonio? Why him?_ she shook her head in despair. Their energetic and loving gold ranger. The fishing samurai. She didn't bother to wipe away her tears as the dripped from her face onto the table. She snuffled a bit, afraid to talk. It wasn't as if there was a lot to say.

She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling cold. She wished that it could've ended differently. From the corner of her eye she saw Mike get up and leave, but she didn't move. She didn't even care. She felt too numb and sad to care right now. _I shouldn't fee like that,_ she thought dully. _I should want to make sure he's ok. That he doesn't need someone._ but they all need someone. Someone to blame, someone to forgive. Someone to tell them it was ok. That everything would be fine.

Mike walked aimlessly. He had been sitting in the living room, but he'd been overcome by the need to do something. He walked through the halls, not watching where he went. He ignored everyone and everything. None of it seemed to matter. None of it could bring Antonio back. A couple of tears made their way slowly down his face as he wandered. Distantly he saw Ji walking past him, but he didn't pay attention.

_Doesn't matter. Antonio's gone forever._ He clenched his fists. He was filled with anger at this thought. _Why him? Why Antonio? He was...good. He didn't deserve to die._ From the back of his mind he saw the day the gold ranger attacked Kevin and Emily. _No. Not even then. That guy...that wasn't him._ He heard Emily and Lauren crying respectively in their rooms. Part of him thought of going to comfort the yellow ranger, but it was pushed aside quickly by other thoughts.

Vengeful thoughts. _Someone will pay,_ he promised himself. _Antonio didn't deserve that. Someone will pay. I swear it._

Kevin sat with Mia in stony silence. Thoughts and feelings muddled his thoughts. So many things were happening. He just wanted to wish them all away. Fall asleep, or wake up to find it was all a dream. He stared out at nothing, trying to figure out what he was feeling. Sadness? Yeas, plenty of that. Anger? Plenty of that too. Anger at who? Antonio for leaving them? No...well maybe a little. Jayden? Possibly. What else?

Lost? Yeah, he felt lost. Lauren and Jayden were equally broken in different ways. Mia and Emily were beyond sadness. Mike...well he wasn't sure about him yet. Ji was nowhere to be seen. Kevin thought over all of this again and again. He'd never felt this mix of emotions in this degree at once before. Never like this. He out his face in his hands. _Antonio...please come back. Make everything normal again. Please._

Ji walked through the house, checking on all the rangers. He checked on Emily and found that she was sitting at her desk. Lauren was lying in her bed, probably crying herself to sleep. He passed Mike a couple times, the look on the green ranger's face worrying him. _Better keep an eye on him. Keep an eye on all of them._ He found Mia and Kevin the living room. They sat in silence, one crying, the other looking like he didn't know what to do.

He finally found Jayden in the yard. When he saw him though, he almost wished he hadn't. The red ranger was sitting on the ground in the middle of the yard staring at the gate. Ji walked around so he was standing in front of him. Jayden didn't move, or even make an recognition that he saw Ji. He just kept staring at the gate; like he was expecting someone to walk through.

Ji shook his sadly and stood up. "Jayden, you should come inside." No answer. "Just come in before it gets dark." Still no answer. Ji sighed and, against his better judgement, left him alone. He found that Kevin was gone when he returned to the living room. Mia sat alone, crying. Ji wished there was more he could do. The rangers need him, but more than that, they needed Antonio. He shook his head. "This is going to be a long night."


	4. Somewhat Sleepless Night

Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers, Saban does.

_*Italic indicates thought_

Chapter Four:Somewhat Sleepless Night

A/N: hello! Brings another chapter for your reading enjoyment. I do not own 'Better Days by Nick Pitera. Please review!

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal." -an Irish gravestone.

Ji didn't get much sleep the entire night. Eventually he got Mia to go to bed, along with Kevin. It wasn't hard to convince them. They were exhausted physically and emotionally after the day they'd just had. Jayden was a whole another story. He couldn't be conviced to move from his spot in the yard. Ji sighed. "Jayden it's past midnight. Come inside."

The red ranger didn't respond. "Jayden I know you can hear me." He reached forward, grabbing his arm. He tried to bring him to his feet, but it wasn't working. "Jayden," he said crouching down so he could look him in the eye. "I know you're upset. You're hurting and you have every right to be. What you went through, the decision you had to make...I can't imagine how hard that was for you. You can have time to grieve, but I won't let you hurt yourself. Come inside and sleep."

Jayden blinked and shook his head. "No one will ever know," he whispered.

"What?"

"I can't leave. He promised me he'd come back. I have to wait for him. I'm his friend; I can't fail him."

Ji realized who Jayden was waiting for. "Jayden-"

"But I can sit here, and I can wait. I can wait, and wait, and wait. But he won't come back. Not this time. He'll never walk through that gate again and it's all my fault." His voice broke at the end and he started to cry. Ji reached forward and embraced him. Jayden shook his head and pushed him away. "No don't."

"Jayden-"

"No!" he sobbed. "Don't comfort me. Don't try to make me feel better." He scooted away from Ji, still staring at the gate.

Ji was at a loss. He didn't know what to do. "Alright," he said. "But if you need me, when you need me, you know where to find me." He got up and left Jayden to his own devices.

Jayden didn't move from his spot. He stared at the gate, still crying. But he didn't cry just because he lost Antonio. It was because he'd also lost part of himself.

-Life and Death-

Eventually Lauren decided to get some sleep. She lay down in her bed, unable to fall asleep though. She still held the pendant with one hand. She lay one her side, away from the door. She didn't want to see anyone right now. She felt like she'd cried all her tears, but obviously she hadn't. Without even thinking her crying started again. The grief was so overwhelming she thought it might consume her.

She closed her eyes, trying to sleep. Eventually she did...

She was wading through water. It was crystal blue and on.y went to her ankles. She crouched down and put her hand in it. She lifted it up and out as the cool liquid ran between her fingers. She looked around, realizing the water stretched on forever. _Wow._ As she walked she looked for other people, land, animals...anything. But all she could see was the endless lake. The light was perfect on the after, not too bright or dark.

She spotted someone with their back turned to her. She walked a little faster. "Hello!" she called. "Hello!" The person didn't answer, or even acknowledge her. She walked even closer, still gaining a little speed. "Hey!" As she got closer she realized who it was. The black hair looked familiar. She looked down I got he water and saw a pair of gold sneakers. "Antonio," she whispered. "Antonio?"

He didn't answer. Lauren tried to run to him, but a current was starting to pick up. Lauren ran as fast as she could, but kept getting pushed back. She tried to go around the current, but it followed her. "Antonio!" Her legs were starting to tire and her lungs were starting to burn. "Antonio!" She slipped and fell face first into the water. It was deeper than it had been before and she was soon engulfed by it. She struggled to swim to the surface, but it was about as useful as swimming in molasses.

Lauren started to panic as she lunges burned from lack of oxygen. A light-headed feeling started to come over her. She looked up at where Antonio was, but he was gone. She frowned in confusion. She looked around and jumped when she saw him. He was floating went to her, pale and lifeless. Lauren reached out to touch him, but her hand went straight through him. _No. Antonio, no!_

"No!" Lauren shouted falling off her bed with a thump! Her breath was quick, and her palms were sweaty. She touched her chest, the pain still there, but this time it wasn't from drowning. She curled into a ball on the ground cried. "Antonio," she sobbed. "Please come back. Come back please. Please."

-Life and Death-

Emily couldn't sleep. She really wanted too. She was extremely worn from the day. _One day. It hasn't even been 24 hours yet._ She sighed and grabbed her IPod. Maybe some music would help. She put it on shuffle and laid back down, closing her eyes. She let the music wash over her, drowning some of her sadness. It was up of r debate wether or not the song she was listening too was a good idea or not.

_I will be waiting, anticipating. Love is waiting 'round the bend. God knows I'm trying will not come crying. We'll not go away. I see better days._

"Yeah, better days," the yellow ranger whispered. "Those seem like a million years away."

_I feel like running, but I know I will fall down. I feel like crying, but I know in tears I soon will drown. Time to take my own advice and give it one more try. With every step I take I know someday that I'll get by._

"I want to run. Just run away from all of this. The pain. The sadness. I want to cry, but if I do I won't stop." Emily wished everything could be normal. She wished Antonio hadn't died. "Why?" she asked. "Why did it had be to be him? All he ever wanted to do was help. He was a good person. And what did he get? Killed by his-" she cut off as she started crying again. "Best friend."

The yellow ranger turned over and buried her face in her pillow, turning up the music.

-Life and Death-

Kevin tossed and turned. He was trying to sleep, but it wasn't working. He sat up and turned on his light. He couldn't sleep. It didn't feel right. It was as if someone had placed a weight on his chest. It hurt and made it hard to breathe. He put his hand on his chest, just to make sure nothing was there. He hugged his legs to himself, put his forehead on his knees. He was so tired, and so overwhelmed at the same time that it was shocking. He wondered what Antonio thought in the final moments before Jayden-

He stopped suddenly, hands gripping his legs. _Jayden. Jayden did this. But he couldn't of...and yet he did. _The blue ranger felt ashamed at these thoughts. He knew it hadn't been Jayden's choice. Initially, it had been Antonio's. Jayden had done the right thing by the world. _But what about by us? What're we supposed to do?_ He thought about Antonio's fishing gear in the corner of the yard. Gear that would never again be used by its owner.

In a few weeks, all of Antonio's customers and fellow fishermen would think he'd moved on. He'd fade away and become nothing more than a memory to them. _Funny, how they'll never know what he did to save them. How much he cared about everybody to risk and sacrifice his life._ Kevin looked at the ceiling. "You did good," he whispered. "If you can hear me Antonio, you did good. It...was-" he couldn't even finish. _Why can't I just be selfish once and think, no! You made the wrong decision! You left us! We needed you!_

But it wouldn't be right. "Why is it always about what's right? Just once could it be about what feels right? Instead of just what is?" Tough questions he knew. Questions that he couldn't answer, because he didn't want to admit that it didn't make sense. None of it did. "It's probably not supposed to. I don't think it is."

-Life and Death-

Mia was lying in bed, eyes closed when she heard a lock on her door. "Come in," she said sitting up in bed.

Emily came, cheeks still wet from tears. "Hey."

"Hey Em. Is everything ok?"

"Yes...well, no actually. Nothing is. I just...I couldn't sleep, and I just really needed a friend."

Mia nodded in understanding. "Come on," she said sliding over and pulling the covers back a bit.

Emily walked over a lay next to Mia on the bed. "Thanks Mia."

"No problem. We all need someone right now."

Emily nodded and closed her eyes, praying sleep would come. _Just end this day. End this horrible day._

-Life and Death-

Ji did another check on the rangers. He found Kevin and Mike were both asleep. He checked Jayden's room and wasnt surprised to find the red ranger wasn't there. He checked Emily's next and frowned when he found it was empty. He went to Mia's and smiled when he saw the pink and yellow rangers. He shut the door quietly, trying not to disturb them. He went to Lauren's door and opened it quietly. He found her lying on the ground, curled up, sobbing.

Ji sighed and entered the room. He carefully walked over to Lauren and helped her stand up. She paned on him a bit as he led her to her bed. She laid down in it without complaint and Ji covered her up. She curled into a ball, like she was trying to protect herself. Ji pet her on the head a few times before leaving, clicking the door shut quietly behind him. He went next to Jayden's room and grabbed a red blanket off his bed. Then, he grabbed a lantern and walked back out into the yard, shivering against the chill.

Jayden was in the exact same spot he'd left him. Ji turned the lantern on and set it down next to Jayden so he wasn't sitting in the dark. Then he dropped the blanket on his shoulders. Jayden unconsciously pulled it tighter around his body. Ji pat him on the head, then went back into the house. _Maybe I can get a couple hours sleep before one them wakes up again._


	5. Morning Numbness

Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers, Saban does.

_*Italic indicates thought_

Chapter Five: Morning Numbness

A/N: hello! I finally finished another chapter. Please review! Pretty please!

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal." -an Irish gravestone.

Lauren woke up the next morning in a daze. The rest of her night had been pleasantly uneventful. She lay in bed for a minute, unable to move. She brushed the pendant on her neck and finally got up. She willed herself to get dressed in normal clothes, not even considering getting in her gii. She heard the movements next door of Mia getting ready for the day as well.

She looked at the photo taped of her dresser mirror. It was of her and Antonio. The gold ranger was laughing at something behind the camera with his arms wrapped around Lauren. The red ranger turned away, unable to look at it any longer. She walked carefully, like the floor beneath her would split open any minute and swallow her up. She found everyone but Jayden in the living room. "Where's Jayden?"

No one spoke up. Lauren sighed and decided to check the yard. She stopped when she saw Jayden sitting on the ground, a blanket around his shoulders. Ji was talking to him earnestly, but her brother didn't seem to be listening. Lauren came closer and Ji looked up. "Is he ok?"

Ji hesitated for a moment before shaking his head. "No. He's not."

Lauren looked at her immobile brother. "Is there anything I can do?"

Ji shook his head. "He's suffering from post traumatic shock. There really isn't a lot for any of us to do."

"How can I help him?" Lauren asked, feeling a need to protect her little brother.

"I don't know," Ji said. "He won't say anything that makes sense, and he refuses to eat or rest. Hopefully fatigue overtakes him soon and his body will force him to sleep."

Lauren approached Jayden cautiously. "Jayden," she said gently. She crouched down in front of him. He tired straight through her. "Jayden, come inside and eat."

"Where is he?" Jayden asked hoarsely.

"Who?"

"Why isn't he here?"

"Do...do you mean...Antonio?"

"He isn't here because of what I did. He isn't here because of me," Jayden continued like he hadn't heard her, answering his own question.

"Jayden-"

"I can wait here, but he's not coming back. Never again. He can never come home."

Lauren reached out to comfort him, but he slid away. She was taken aback. Jayden continued to stare out at the gate, like he couldn't even see her. Lauren doubted very much that he could.

"Come and eat," Ji said to Lauren. "I don't need more of you starving yourselves."

Lauren sighed and followed him in the house. It didn't feel right to leave Jayden alone, but there was nothing she could do. She found the other rangers sitting in the living room where she'd left them. All of them had barley eaten. They sat in silence, nibbling off pieces of toast and tiny bites of cereal. She sat down and grabbed a slice of fruit, playing with it.

She took a small bite, not tasting the food. She swallowed it, her throat feeling tight. She took a sip of orange juice, tasting like acid in her mouth. She coughed and made a face. Kevin looked at her, concerned. "I'm fine," she whispered.

"Where's Jayden?" Emily asked quietly.

"In the yard." _Having a mental breakdown._

The conversation dropped and Lauren took another sip of her awful breakfast. She noticed her hand shaking slightly as she gripped the cup. She set it down on the table to avoid dropping it. Not feeling up to continue eating she pushed away her piece of fruit.

Ji watched the rangers nibble on their food in silence. Even Mike wasn't very hungry based on how little food he'd eaten. He didn't even attempt to try and make them train. It didn't seem right, or even safe, to push them into training while they were in this state of grief. He went knot the kitchen and grabbed an apple and banana. He went back into the yard and set them down on a paper towel in front of Jayden.

"Jayden, you need to eat." The red ranger said nothing. "Eat." Jayden barely even blinked. Ji shook his head. "Eat. Now." Not even an order could get through to him. Knowing how stubborn Jayden was, Ji decided to leave him to his own devices and check on him again later. He went inside again and found the rangers had cleaned up after their meager breakfast. He sighed, wishing he could retreat to his study, but he knew he had to keep an eye on the rangers. He also had daily duties to take care of. He headed for the dojo to start working.

-Life and Death-

After eating what little he could choke down, Mike wandered around the house again. His thoughts turned back down the street they and before. His anger returned and he clenched his fists. His muscles tensed. He wandered into the dojo. It was deserted with the rangers all to grief stricken to stick to their normal schedule. Seeking a way to let out his anger and energy Mike grabbed a practice katana and set a dummy in place.

He started whacking at it with all the strength he could muster. It didn't take long for his pace to increase. He moved fast and hard, not wanting to stop. Rather than releasing his anger though, his impromptu fighting session seemed to fuel it. The more he smacked the practice dummy around, the angrier he felt. He threw the practice katana aside and started going hand-to-hand instead.

He punched and kicked the dummy again and again. He moved efficiently and swiftly. His hands soon hurt from hitting the practice dummy so many times. He didn't stop even as his lungs burned and sweat stung his eyes. He here punch after punch and kick after kick. His anger feeling deeper and deeper. He didn't care though. He wanted to be angry. He didn't want to be a zombie of emotion like Jayden. _Anger is normal,_ he thought.

His anger felt good. Antonio deserved anger. _He deserves revenge,_ the green ranger thought bitterly as he continued to beat the dummy. "He. Deserves. Life." Mike hit the dummy harder with every word. He kicked it with all his strength. His bombardment continued, for time he couldn't even guess. Eventually he stepped back and sat against the wall, breathing heavily. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against his knees as he rested.

He heard someone approach and looked up, seeing Ji standing over him. he handed the green ranger a small towel and a bottle of water. Mike accepted it with quiet thanks and took a deep drink from the water. He wiped his face with the towel and got back to his feet. He took a deep breath and started hitting the practice dummy again. He didn't hear Ji leave. His vision tunneled as he focused on the dummy in front of him.

-Life and Death-

Kevin paced in his room. He wanted to know what he was supposed to do. He didn't want to leave his room. The idea of talking to the others, or just simply interacting with them wasn't appealing. He didn't want to see the girls crying, or Jayden, doing whatever he was doing, watch Mike brood over whatever was making him made; or watch Ji try and hold them all together. He grabbed his calligraphy set and sat down at a plain paper so he could practice symbols.

He kept his book open as he practiced new symbols and reviewed old ones. He found a strange comfort in the simple brushstrokes that brought the symbols to life on the page.

_"So you use electronic symbols?" Emily asked in disbelief._

_"Welcome to the twenty-first century baby," Antonio responded smoothly, pointing at her._

_"Impressive, but this is the work of a computer nerd. Not a samurai," Kevin said evenly, shooting the gold ranger down._

The blue ranger's hand shook at the memory. "Electronic symbols," he said, still trying to focus. "Still the work of a computer geek. But a genius innovation of a samurai." He swallowed a small bout of guilt as tears slipped down his cheeks. He wasn't an emotional person, but he couldn't help it. The whole situation weighed him down physically and mentally. He could feel of pressing against his chest.

"He was a computer nerd," Kevin said sadly. "He really was. But he was a warrior."

_"Being a samurai is about more then just ancient tradition. It's about being a warrior. A protector of all thing good." Kevin rolled his eyes at the fisherman. Antonio stopped him. "If someone's in trouble doesn't a samurai try and help? No matter what?"_

_Kevin looked in Antonio's eyes and saw something that surprised him. Passion. Antonio believed everything he was saying. To him being a samurai was about helping people, not following an age old tradition._

Kevin allowed a small smile at the memory. He knew then. That was the moment when he knew Antonio was a samurai. Not in his blood, but in his heart. He drew symbol after symbol, not paying attention to the time. Not that he had a schedule anyways. His Brian couldn't find an excuse to stick to his routine amidst the organized chaos of their lives. He heard his door open, then close a second later. He glanced back and saw no one was around.

"Just someone wandering around," he said going back to his symbols.


	6. A Friendly Visit

Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers, Saban does.

_*Italic indicates thought_

Chapter Six: A Friendly Visit

A/N: I finally crused writers block and got this chapter written! Yay! I'm working on my other stories, but I'm terribly busy with school. Anyways, please review!

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal." -an Irish gravestone.

The next day Daisuke came around the Shiba Hosue. He walked through the gate and was surprised to see Jayden sitting in the middle of the yard. "Hello Jayden," he said greeting the red ranger. The samurai didn't reply.

"Where is he? I have to wait for him," Jayden said.

Daisuke stopped he was about to ask who 'he' was when he heard his name.

"Daisuke!"

He turned and saw Lauren walking out into the yard. "Hello Lauren," he said.

"Hello," she said. "Can I help you with something?" He noticed she looked tired, like she hadn't gotten a lot of sleep lately. He could imagine why.

"I've come to see Ji."

"He's in his study."

"Thank you." Lauren nodded, then cast her brother a worried look before disappearing into the house. Daisuke followed her. As he walked through the house he saw little movement from the rangers. Mike was training in the dojo, and he passed Mia in the hall. Nothing could be said for Emily and Kevin though. He knocked on the door to Ji's study.

"Come in." Ji smiled friendly. "Daisuke. How nice to see you, and certainly a surprise."

"I wanted to come see you," the old guardian replied. "How are they?"

Ji sighed, shaking his head. "How would you expect them, to be? The shock of what happened has finally worn off. The girls spend most of their time crying. Kevin...I'm not even sure what's going through his mind. He's cut himself off and sits in his room all day. Mike...I've never seen him this upset. He's very angry, and spends all day training to try and get rid of his anger."

"What about Jayden?"

"Well, you've you seen him. He has post traumatic shock."

"Really?"

"Yes. He refuses to eat or sleep. He just sits in the yard all day talking to himself."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yes," Ji said. "Try to keep this information to yourself. I'm dealing with six grief stricken rangers, while trying to deal with grief myself. The last thing I need is to fend off anyone who thinks I'm not capable of taking care of Jayden anymore."

"No one would ever question you," Daisuke said. "You've taken care of Jayden even when James was alive."

"They've never questioned me before, but after I let Antonio on the team, they tried to have me replaced as the samurai mentor."

Daisuke nodded. "I know, but that means nothing."

"When I suggested Lauren and Jayden lead the team together, many followers of the Shiba Clan said I was getting old."

"Preposterous. You knew exactly what you were doing."

"And now, one ranger is dead, the others are so blinded by emotion they can't think straight, and one of the red rangers looks like he belongs in a mental institution."

"Don't give the doubters any ideas," Daisuke said. "But I can see why you're worried."

"I'm glad, because fending them off this time will be a lot harder."

"You have the guardians of the Tengan Gate behind you. We won't let anyone convince us of anything stupid."

"Thank you Daisuke," Ji said smiling.

"But, now that we're on the subject. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You did mention dealing with grief yourself."

Ji sighed. "Antonio was very bright and energetic. He brought a new light and spirit to being a samurai that I haven't seen in a long time. He was the most energetic student I've ever had. Including the green rangers."

"He did seem very loyal," Daisuke replied.

"He was."

"Not that I doubt you, but are you sure you're ok to handle everything?"

"Yes. I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine. Taking care of the rangers is helping to keep me sane and thinking straight right now."

"I still wish there was something more I could do to help."

"The biggest worry I have right now is Jayden, and I'm not sure what can help him."

"What if I took him?"

"Excuse me?"

"Hear me out for a minute. What if I brought Jayden to stay at the Tengen Gate for a while?"

"I don't know-"

"It might be good for him. To get away from the grieving and try to forget Antonio for a while. He could just relax and maybe come out of his shock."

Ji thought about it for a minute. "Well...maybe it would be good for him. And the others possibly so they don't have to see if he deteriorates even more."

Daisuke nodded. "Exactly. And it would be easier on you." He could only imagine how much mental strain it was on Ji to see Jayden like he was.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in," Ji said.

Emily poked her head in. "Lauren asked me to tell you Jayden's unconscious."

Ji nodded. "About time. Go get Mike and Kevin and tell them to put him in his room."

"Ok. Hi Daisuke."

"Hello Emily."

The yellow ranger left, shutting the door as she did. Ji rubbed his forehead. "Tomorrow I'll have a couple of the rangers bring Jayden to the Tengen Gate."

"We'll be expecting them. I should get back."

"Good-bye, Daisuke. Thank you for coming to check up on us."

"Ji, those of us involved in circumstances must look after each other when they turn bad."

Ji smiled. "Would you like one of the samurai to escort you?"

"No, I'll be fine. The nighlocks seem to be content with the destruction they've caused."

Ji nodded grimly. "Fortunately, or unfortunately."

"It appears the situation isn't black and white."

"No. Nothing is."

Daisuke left and Ji sat back in his chair. He opened one of the drawers in his desk and pulled out a morpher. Antonio's morpher. He'd spent the last few days contemplating what to do with it. The smart thing would probably be to destroy it, so it's powers couldn't be used for the wrong reasons. But he didn't think it was right to get rid of it. He turned it over in his hands. Made from a discarded cell phone. He smiled at the ingenuity.

He reached down to the safe below his desk and opened it. He put the morpher inside and shut the safe. There was still so much to do. Things to take care of and rangers to check on. He stood up. It bothered him a but, the idea of sending Jayden away from his home, but it had to be done. The red ranger needed time and space to clear his head. It was for his won good...but Ji couldn't shake the feeling he was somehow betraying him.

He went to Jayden's room and opened the door quietly. Jayden was fast asleep in his bed. Ji smiled with relief. Maybe sleep would get him out of his stupor. He grabbed a red blanket on the floor, and draped it across him. Jayden moaned a bit and turned in his sleep. Ji froze, afraid he would wake up. But severe fatigue had won out over his feeble mind and he stayed in deep sleep. _Maybe I can get him to eat when he's awake, _Ji thought as he left. He shut the door silently behind him.

"How am I supposed to explain to him why he's leaving?" Ji asked himself. He found Lauren in the kitchen drinking tea with Mia and Emily.

"Hi Ji," Mia said. It was evident from her red eyes and wet cheeks she'd been crying. Emily too. Lauren just seemed uninterested. She stared at the table with the cup in her hands.

"Hello girls."

"Why was Daisuke here?" Emily asked.

"Just checking up on us."

"Did you guys talk about anything important?" Mia asked, a bit of her normal curiosity playing through.

"Now that you mention it, yes." He sat down with them. "We were talking about Jayden." Lauren looked up now.

"What about him?"

"Daisuke and I think it would be good if Jayden went to stay at the Tengen Gate for a while."

"A while? How long is a while?"

"Not long. A few days, weeks at the most-"

"Weeks?! Why?!"

"Lauren, keep your voice down," Ji scolded gently. "I'm trying to keep Jayden asleep."

"Why?" she asked again, a bit more quietly.

"Because he needs help. Being here with all his memories of Antonio is causing too much stress on his mind. It'll be extremely beneficial if he leaves so he can clear his head."

Lauren shook his head. "He's in shock. It's understandable-"

"Yes. It is. But, I have to think about his well-being and what's best for him-"

"What's best for him isn't to be sent away form his home and friends!"

"Stop shouting," Ji said, sternly, but kindly. "I know it's hard to understand, but its for the-"

"The best. Yeah, where have I heard that before?" Lauren asked bitterly. She knocked her cup onto the ground spilling her tea. She walked out without so much as a single glance back.

Ji sighed and shook his head. "I was hoping that'd go better."

"She's just mad," Mia said picking up the cup. "Can you get a towel Em?"

The yellow ranger nodded. "It's understandable she wouldn't want to be separated from Jayden," Ji continued. "But reacting like that is just so..."

"Un-characteristic?" Mia suggested.

"Yes."

"She's just scared," Em whispered.

"What?" Ji asked as they cleaned up the spilt drink.

"She's scared," Emily continued, gaining confidence.

"Scared of what?"

"Losing Jayden. She's already lost Antonio. She's afraid that if you send Jayden alway she'll never see him again."

Ji nodded. "That would make sense. It does hurt me, having to split the team up like this. Especially in a time such as this, but Jayden needs it. He really does."

"We know. So does Lauren. She'll come around."

"I hope so," Ji said. "Are you two all set?"

"Yeah," Mia said. "You go ahead and do whatever you need to do."

"Ok," Ji said leaving them. _The last thing I want to do is split the team up like this. _It's what he was doing. Slitting them up. He had to find a way to keep them together. They couldn't afford to let grief and blame drive them apart. For the good of the world, as well as their own.


	7. Sent Away

Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers, Saban does.

_*Italic indicates thought_

Chapter Seven: Sent Away

A/N: I have another chapter! Yay! I have more time to rewrote now that filed hockey is over. I'm on JV, if you don't know what that is that's ok, and we only lost three games! sweet! Please review!

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal." -an Irish gravestone.

Jayden was sitting in his room. He barely registered the fact he'd just swept for twelve hours so his body could catch up on much needed rest. He stared uncomprehendingly at the red duffel Ji had packed that had his things in it. Part of his brain was still stuck whatever mode it had been the last few days. He still needed more rest, but he didn't know it. It was as if he was on autopilot. He couldn't feel his hunger, or tiredness. He couldn't comprehend what people said to him.

He drowned out the noise of everything around him. Inside his mind he was in a quiet place of confusion. The place where his inner thoughts argued back and forth. Ridiculing; reasoning; scolding; and assuring. He bit his hand as the ridiculing voice started filling his ears.

_Best friend. Your best friend._

Jayden shook his head. _No! It wasn't me! I would never do that. Never._

_But you did. He was your best friend. You betrayed him._

_No! I didn't! I can't- I'm not capable of- Never!_

_Your best friend._

Jayden whined a bit as those three words echoed in his head. Best friend. Best friend. Your best friend. Best friend. His best friend.

-Life and Death-

Lauren scratched her toe on the floor. She bit her lip as she walked into the living room. "Ji," she said.

Ji looked at her. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry I yelled yesterday. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I was just upset."

"It's ok," he replied gently. "I can understand why the idea of Jayden leaving wouldn't be very appealing to you."

"I still shouldn't have yelled."

"It's alright," he assured her. "But, if you're feeling up to it you can bring Jayden to the Tengen Gate."

Lauren nodded. "Ok."

"Good. Why don't you go get Kevin and he can come with you."

"Ok." Lauren left to find Kevin. She knocked on his door. There was no reply from within. "Kevin. Kev I'm coming in." She opened the door and walked in. The blue ranger was sitting on his bed reading Art of the Samurai Life for the millionth time. Lauren smiled a bit. "Kevin, Ji wants you and me to take Jayden to the Tengen Gate."

Kevin didn't reply. He nodded though. Lauren left, and went to check on Jayden. Even though he'd slept involuntarily he still looked tired and exhausted. He stared out at his wall, but he wasn't focusing. In a way, it was creepier than when he focused entirely on the gate. Lauren crouched down in front of him. "Jayden. If you can hear me...just listen. I don't know how you feel about going away, but it's for your own good.

"That means, if you run away, I will drag you back myself. Please just...try to stay at least a little sane. I need you. We all do. Please don't leave us Jayden. Please don't let me lose you too. We've lost too much to lose you. I want you to get better. You can't stay like this. It's not healthy, and its not good. Ok?"

Jayden didn't say anything, or even reply. He simply stayed where he was in his all to familiar state. Lauren grabbed his bag, then his hand. "Come on." She tugged and pulled him too his feet. Jayden moved robotically, following his sister without really knowing where they were going. Mia and Emily hand ventured out of their rooms to say good-bye. They smiled a little when they saw Jayden, hoping it might help him.

"Bye, Jayden," Emily said giving him a hug. "Have fun at the Tengen Gate." Jayden didn't even blink as she pulled away, frowning at the vacant look in his eyes.

Mia gave him a hug next. "Be careful, Jayden. And take it easy."

Lauren saw Mike watching them from the dojo. The green ranger just looked at Jayden with pity and disdain, before turning away. Lauren decided she could only deal with one emotionally damaged person at a time and focused on Jayden. Kevin came in and glanced at Mike before focusing in on Jayden. He hadn't really seen the red ranger in the last few days. He was tired and run down looking.

"I think it's you should get going," Ji said. He put a hand on Jayden's shoulder and pat him on the back. "Behave yourself. Don't cause trouble for the guardians."

Lauren smiled at the idea of Jayden causing trouble. She handed the bag to Kevin, who took it willingly. She grabbed her brother's hand. "Come on Jay, lets get going."

The three of them left the Shiba House, out into the yard. Lauren pulled Jayden along as they walked. Soon they left the yard and headed for the Tengen Gate. Lauren had to keep a hold of Jayden's hand and pull him along to keep him walking. Kevin walked closely to the two red rangers. He was quiet, but watchful. Both he, and Lauren were on high alert in case a nighlock decided to torture their team some more.

But they must've been content with the destruction they'd caused because there was no sign of them as the three rangers walked.

-Olympic Force-

When they reached then Tengen Gate, Daisuke came out to meet them. "Hello rangers."

"Morning Daisuke," Lauren said bowing.

"Morning," Kevin replied, speaking for the first time the entire trip, and copying her.

Jayden didn't say anything. Daisuke smiled warmly at him. "Good to see you enjoying the fresh air, Jayden."

"Thank you for offering to take care of him," Lauren said.

"My pleasure. I know things have been very rough for you lately."

Lauren nodded tightly. She turned to Jayden. "You remember what Ji said. Behave and try to relax." She gave her brother a hug, one that went unreturned for a minute, but then he wrapped his arms around her lightly. Lauren smiled as they broke apart. He still had that far off look in his eyes, but progress was progress. "Take care of him," she said to Daisuke.

"Always," the guardian replied. "I would never let anything happen to him."

Lauren smiled. "Bye Jayden. Come on Kevin."

The blue ranger nodded to Jayden, then followed Lauren out of the Gate. Daisuke picked up Jayden's bag and took the red ranger's wrist. "Come, let's get you settled in."

-Life and Death-

Octoroo smiled gleefully at the red waters. "Oo aa oo! My plan worked!"

"It's about time one of your plans did!" Master Xandred snapped, irritably.

Dayu smiled and chuckled, looking over her harmonium. "The gold ranger's dead and the male red ranger is being driven insane by grief and guilty."

"Oo aa oo, and the Sanzu River is rising three inches!"

"It's about time something worked for us," Dayu said. "Now if you could get rid of the rest of them."

"Oo aa oo, not right now. I'm going to watch as this tears them apart. You watch and see. This will tear at the fibers of their team. Soon they'll be to useless to help anyone!"

Dayu smiled. "All thanks to one spell. To bad it took us this long to figure out."

"Oo aa oo, yes but now we can win. If we can't kill them, will kill the reasons for fighting. We'll just watch as they deteriorate into nothing."


	8. Routine

Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers, Saban does.

_*Italic indicates thought_

Chapter Eight: Routine

A/N: I have written another chapter! Yay! Please review!

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal." -an Irish gravestone.

Daisuke woke Jayden up gently. "Jayden," he said. "It's time to get up." He waited a minute, then entered the red ranger's temporary room. He shook Jayden until his eyes opened slowly. "There you go." He grabbed his arms and pulled him into a sitting position. "Can you get dressed today?" Jayden didn't reply, as usual. Daisuke simply pulled him to his feet. He walked over to the small dresser and selected clothes for Jayden to wear.

"Here," he said. He handed Jayden a shirt. Jayden took it mechanically and changed his shirt. They went through their system of getting dressed, with Daisuke handing Jayden on article of clothing at a time, and usually waiting a couple minutes between each one. Getting Jayden to get dressed was a recent accomplishment, but an improvement on his health overall. "Very good," the guardian complimented when they were done. "Now make your bed."

He turned Jayden so he was facing the bed. He stepped back and stood there for ten minutes, watching him. Jayden didn't make any move to do as he was told. Daisuke walked back over at the end of the ten minutes and grabbed Jayden's wrist. "Lets go. It's time for breakfast." He pulled Jayden along to the sitting room. Once there he stopped him in front of the table, and pushed him down so he would sit.

Jayden stared dully at his food. Oatmeal with a banana and orange juice. Daisuke stood back and watched Jayden for thirty minutes. He stayed silent, not trying to coax Jayden to eat; nor did he scold him for his fasting. So far they hadn't been able to get Jayden to eat anything, but he did drink water on the occasion. Which was another improvement. It was all a part of his plan. Daisuke was trying to get Jayden in control again.

Every aspect of the young samurai's day was planned out. He was moved from one activity to the next at a specific time. He didn't do anything though, so he would majorly just sit there and observe others; if he was retaining any of what he saw. When the half-hour was over Daisuke grabbed Jayden's arm. "Come on. Tanyen is waiting for you." Tanyen was another guardian who took care of the gardens. Jayden stayed with him for a couple hours so Daisuke could take care of his daily duties.

Tanyen greeted them with a friendly smile. "Good morning Jayden. Good morning Daisuke."

"Good morning," Daisuke said. "He's all yours."

"Excellent." Tanyen grabbed Jayden's wrist and led him over to the bamboo plants growing a a neat row. "The bamboo could use some trimming, don't you think?" Jayden didn't reply. Tanyen smiled and went about his job. As he took care if the various plants and garden areas located around the Gate, he dragged Jayden along. All this while he talked to him. About the plants, what they were good for, remedies or poisons they could make. It might seem like unimportant rambling, but Daisuke had requested they be talkative with Jayden.

It was his hope that if he heard enough conversation centered around light topics, he might start talking. Tanyen enjoyed Jayden's company for the time he had him. All of the guardians had heard about the tragedy, although the details were a bit hazy. They'd done the ritual that was always done when a samurai passed away. They recognized the fact Antonio had been a samurai; even if others serving the Shiba Clan didn't. It was still controversial topic among the followers.

Daisuke came to get Jayden at the end of the two hours. "How was he?"

"Same as always."

Daisuke nodded. "Come on Jayden." He led the red ranger away, towards his next activity. They went to find the next guardian who would watch Jayden while he cleaned the various weapons located in the Gate. Yoshi smiled at them. "Hello Jayden. Daisuke."

"Hello."

Yoshi took Jayden's wrist and led him to the work bench where he had been sitting. Maitnence of the weapons and various things took place in a shed near the back of the grounds. Jayden sat on the bench, next to the guardian. Yoshi talked to Jayden about the weapons and the history of each one. Jayden did nothing but blink and breathe.

-Life and Death-

So the day went on through the now normal routine. Daisuke escorted Jayden to each of his daily activities and meals. To the library to read; to the garden to sit for a while and rest. The old guardian hoped that he would eventually get Jayden out of whatever was holding him back. As the sun started to set Daisuke led Jayden back to his room, and they went through the same process of changing to get him into his pjs.

He pushed Jayden down on the bed gently so he was sitting on it. Jayden swung his legs up and laid down of his own accord. Daisuke smiled. "Good night Jayden. See you in the morning." He left and turned off the light, leaving Jayden, who was still wide awake in the dark.

-Life and Death-

_They sent you away,_ the ridiculing voice sneered. _They hate you. You're a murderer._

_No he's not!_ the comforting voice defended. _Don't listen. You did what was right._

_You killed an unarmed person. Someone who trusted you._

_He asked you to do it. You had no choice._

_There was another way. You don't have to kill him._

_Yes you did! It was for the best and everyone knows it._

_Murderer._


	9. Pointless Arguing

Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers, Saban does.

_*Italic indicates thought_

Chapter Nine: Pointless Arguing

A/N: hello! I've written the next chapter! Yay! Please review! Pretty please!

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal." -an Irish gravestone.

Lauren was in her bedroom reading when the shouting started. She was hoping to get her mind off of everything for a little bit. Apparently there was no such luck. She heard a crash from somewhere in the house. It caused her to jump, as it was so opposing to the usual silence. Next she heard a voice yelling something, followed by another voice yelling something else. She quickly got to her feet and opened her door. As she did Mia and Emily's door's opened too. There was more shouting, a bit more audible this time. The three girls hurried to where it was coming from.

They stopped when they saw Mike and Kevin the dojo, looking like they were going to kill each other.

"Take it back!" Kevin said threateningly.

"Never!" Mike shouted. "It's true and you know it!"

"No, it's not!"

"Is too! You know what he did-"

"To protect us!"

"It's was selfish! It was cowardly and you can't say you haven't thought differently!"

"Boys!" Lauren said loudly stepping between them. Ji came in looking very confused. He wasn't the only one. "What happened?"

"I came in here to look for something, then Mike started talking to me," Kevin said. "Then he started getting into how all of this was Jayden and Antonio's fault."

"What?" Lauren asked stepping back. Emily came forward and grabbed the red ranger's arm gently and lead her back more. Lauren welcomed the added support from the yellow ranger.

"What are you two talking about?" Ji asked.

"Tell them," Kevin said. "Go ahead Mike. Tell them what you told me."

"All of this is because of Jayden and Antonio. It's Antonio's fault because instead of finding another way to solve his problem, he just died. Jayden killed him! And Antonio asked him to! It was cowardly of both of them. Jayden shouldn't have killed him and Antonio wouldn't have asked him too!"

No one knew what to say for a minute. Lauren suddenly couldn't think straight. She stepped forward and slapped Mike. "Don't ever say that again!" Mike stared at her in shock. As did everyone else. "Mike what Antonio did saved us all. I know for a fact that dying was the last thing he wanted to do. He made the right decision. As did Jayden. I don't care what Jayden did. He's my brother, and your leader. It took a lot of courage to take his best friend's life. One that's turned him catatonic. It isn't cowardly to sacrifice yourself for the good of the world. Even-" Lauren stumbled over the words as tears threatened to come out. "Even if it means leaving behind those you love."

Lauren dashed from the room and back to the safety of her own. She collapsed on the floor and cried. She couldn't stop. She'd thought that she was past this already. Past the need to cry excessively, but apparently not. She pressed the necklace her gold ranger had given her against her lips. More than anything she wanted to hear his voice. To have him pull back a lock of her hair, or kiss her neck. She wanted to smell fish and hear him sing her songs in Spanish.

"Yo nunca estuve vivo

hasta el día que fui bendecido contigo

cuando te tengo tarde en la noche

ya se para que he sido puesto aquí

yo apago el mundo y oigo tus suspiros

y cantaré mi canción de cuna de angeles," she sang in a trembling voice.

"Sabes, yo estoy siempre cerca

el único al que tu puedes llamar siempre

Justo ahora, a todo lo que sabes temer

son las sombras en tus paredes

yo estoy aquí cerca de ti

para besar las lagrimas que lloras

y cantaré my canción de cuna de ángeles."

-Life and Death-

Ji sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. As if he didn't have enough to deal with already. Now he apparently has to keep the, from killing each other.

"I didn't mean to upset her," Mike said, guiltily.

"I know you didn't," Ji said. "Look, all of this. It's hard on all of you. But for Jayden and Lauren-" he took a deep breath. "it's harder for them."

"But how-"

"Jayden and Lauren lost the only parent they ever knew to the nighlocks. Their father was their family. Losing him was the worst thing that ever happened to them, and even at that young an age they had to put their grief aside and focus on their respective training. And woth Lauren in hiding, they didn't even have each other. Now...they've both lost someone else how meant a great deal to them. Antonio was a you her brother to Jayden, and Lauren loved him with all her heart.

"This is hitting very close to home for them. They've lost so much to the nighlocks that its amazing they can even function. Well...Lauren can atleast."

No one said anything for a minute. "I didn't think about it like that," Mia said.

"Ji, is Jayden going to be alright?" Emily asked, not missing the hinting indicating in his voice.

Ji paused for a moment. "I hope so. I'm afraid all of this stress may have driven him insane."

"So than he'll never be the same again?" Mia asked.

"The same, no. Better, possibly. It all depends."

"On what?"

"On whether he's able to deal with his grief. If he's able to face and it, and move on, then yes, he'll be better. If not he'll be trapped in whatever twisted world he's in now."

Kevin stood quietly, listening. Ji noticed that he'd gone back to being quiet and detached. He felt an odd sense of pride in seeing that he'd come out of his stupor long enough to defend his friends. Mike turned away. Somehow, listening to ski had made him even angrier. He started beating the practice dummy with all his strength.

Mia and Emily headed to check on Lauren. Emily put her hand on the door knob, but stopped when she heard the soft sobbing within. "Lets give her some time alone," Mia said gently. "Come on. We'll make her some tea." Emily nodded and followed the pink ranger. She thought back over what Ji had said.

"Hey Em," Mia said. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"When Lauren got upset when Ji decided to send Jayden the the Tengen Gate, how did you know what she was thinking?"

"Oh," Emily sat down and looked at her shoes. "Well see-its because... Just after Serena got sick, my parent didn't really tell me what was going on. They didn't want me to worry to much. They wanted to send her to a hospital. It was a ways away...pretty far actually. I found out and I just- I freaked out on them. I thought that them sending her away meant that she was going to die. I thought would never see her again."

Mia out her arms around the younger girl as she started sobbing softly. "Shhh. It's ok Em."

"It's just not fair," Emily sobbed. "Why do all these bad things happen to good people? There are plenty of bad people in the world, why can't all the bad stuff happen to them?"

"I don't know," Mia said honestly. "It's just the way things are. But hey," she said, Emily looking at her. "It's going to be ok. Because it isn't the hard times that matter, its the good ones. It's people like Antonio, Jayden and Lauren's dad, and even Serena that make all the bad parts seem less bad."

"It's just not fair. It feels like all of this awfulness will never end."

"But to will," Mia assured her. "I don't know when, but it will."

"I just feel like we should do something. Honor Antonio's sacrifice in some way."

Mia suddenly smiled a little as a plan came to her. "We will. And I think I just thought of how."

"What?"

"Don't worry about it for now," Mia assured her. "We'll worry about it when the time is right. For now though, lets take Lauren some tea and give her a couple of shoulders to cry on."

Emily nodded. "Ok. Sounds like a plan."

"Good." Mia gave her one last, reassuring hug before getting to work. Emily smiled a little, then got up to help; finding the presence of the pink ranger the most reassuring thing she'd seen recently.

A/N: song title: "Angel's Lullaby". Translation:

I was never alive

'Til the day I was blessed with you

When I hold you late at night

I know what I was put here to do

I turn off the world and listen to you sigh

And I will sing my angel's lullaby

Know I'm forever near

The one you can always call

Right now, all you know to fear

Are the shadows on your wall

I'm here close enough

To kiss the tears you cry

And I will sing my angel's lullaby


	10. Rumors

Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers, Saban does.

_*Italic indicates thought_

Chapter Ten: Rumors

A/N: hey guys! I've been in such a good mood lately because my marching band recieved a silver medal at our finals yesterday for the first time I ours school's history. (We'd always gotten bronze, the lowest, before). Please review!

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal." -an Irish gravestone.

Daisuke was watching as Jayden stared numbly at a book when someone knocked on the door. "Come in," the guardian said. He tried to hide his disgust as a man known as Charlie entered. Daisuke had no idea what purpose he had in the web of people that served the Shiba Clan, but he wasn't very popular among the guardians.

"Greetings Daisuke."

"Good Morning Charlie."

"What is he doing here?" the unwelcome visitor asked, indicating Jayden.

"Is that anyway to greet a samurai, and a head of the Shiba Clan at that?"

"My apologies," Charlie responded, bowing to the young samurai. "Good to see you Jayden."

"Why are you here?" Daisuke asked, eager to get rid of him.

"I came to see if the rumors were true."

"Rumors? What rumors?"

Charlie shrugged. "Rumors are floating around about Jayden."

"What exactly are these rumors about?"

"Just that he killed another person in cold blood. I heard Ji sent him away, refusing to teach, or acknowledge a samurai who'd murdered one of his loyal followers."

Daisuke resisted the urge to slap the man. "It's not true."

"Oh really? Then please explain why Jayden's here. Or better yet, Jayden, would you like to tell me?"

Daisuke was beyond grateful Jayden chose that time to not mumble some incoherent rant about being a murder. "Jayden is not a murder. You haven't got the slightest idea of what this is all about."

"Then is it true that he's insane?"

"What- where are people getting that idea?!" Daisuke could understand though, if some people hadn't heard all the details of Jayden's condition, that they'd think he wasn't in his right mind. Which he wasn't to some degree.

"I think you can guess how that came up."

"It doesn't matter. He didn't kill anyone in cold blood. He did a favor to his friend, and saved the world. He did his duty."

"I thought a samurai's duty was to protect people. James was adamant about protecting human lives above all else. Is this generation of red rangers not as concerned about it?"

Daisuke really wanted to slap him. "Stop," he said in a dangerous voice. "Don't concern yourself with issues you haven't got any knowledge about."

"It's true though, isn't it? They were raised in isolation. It's understandable if they didn't have appreciation for humans. To a degree I guess."

"You're not a psychologist. Furthermore, your not someone who can make those judgements. Lauren and Jayden are excellent samurai. They believe in the causes their ancestors did. It was these causes that forced Jayden's hand."

Charlie still don't look convinced. "He killed an unarmed person. It's murder."

Luckily for him Yoshi chose that moment to show up. "Yoshi, please show Charlie out," Daisuke said forcibly.

"Yes Daisuke," Yohsi said, only too happy to get rid of him. He grabbed Charlie's elbow and dragged him none-to-gently from the room.

"Quite the change, isn't it Jayden?" Charlie asked, looking back. "Going form being a heroic leader to a psycho with the mindset of a child."

Yoshi "accidentally" tripped him, then decided on an old fashioned, literally throwing him out. Daisuke left Jayden alone for a minute to go find someone to spread the word that Charlie was not to be allowed back in.

-Life and Death-

Jayden normally didn't pay attention to what was going on around him. All of the stimulants, the lights the sounds, they overwhelmed him. His quiet, mental residence if pain and suffering was much more peaceful. Then he'd heard a word that slipped through a crack in the wall. Murderer. It was just a small crack. So minuscule that it shouldn't have even mattered. But then, he heard more. Insane. The crack widened. _Insane, is that what I am?_

_Of course,_ the ridiculing voice sneered. _You're not exactly a sane person. Does a sane person talk to themselves and kill their friends?_

_Lots of people talk to themselves, _the reassuring voice defended. _And you only killed one person. Someone who wanted to die. You did him a favor._

_Don't humanize it._

_You were merciful. If you hadn't done it, he would've done it to himself._

_Face what you did. If you're really brave face what you did._

But Jayden couldn't. Facing it would mean interacting with the outside. He didn't know when he would emerge, or if he even wanted too. He just couldn't face the reality of his choice and its repercussions. He just couldn't do it. So he did nothing. He didn't even bother to try and repair the slowly, ever slowly, growing crack.

-Life and Death-

When Daisuke returned he saw that Jayden, of course, had not moved. He sat down beside the silent samurai. "Jayden," he said gently. "Don't listen to Charlie. He's wrong to say those things. You're not a murderer. You're a hero. You're every bit as great a samurai that your father was."

He lifted Jayden's chin to look him on the eyes. The red ranger's eyes were always blank. Devoid of the light that he himself had killed. The fire that had given him a reason was smothered. But now, Daisuke saw something else. Recognition. Something had gotten through to him. Although Daisuke hadn't wanted it to be as brash as this, it was something.

Jayden's head feel onto Daisuke's shoulder. The guardian simple hugged the young ranger. _Too young,_ Daisuke thought. _Too young to have made these decisions. To have held this much responsibility. To young too have faced this kind of horror._ "It will be ok," Daisuke reassured him. "I promise. And Jayden," he lifted Jayden's head to look him in the eyes again. "If your father knew what you'd done, he would be very proud of you."

His words slipped through the crack as it continued to spiderweb and widen.


	11. Nightmares and Dreams

Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers, Saban does.

*Italic indicates thought

Chapter Eleven: Nightmares and Dreams

A/N: hello! I've finally got the next chapter done! Sorry its so short but, *shrugs* its all I had. Lots of important stuff happening though! ;) please review!

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal." -an Irish gravestone.

Jayden walked through the city with only darkness surrounding him. The midnight streets were deserted. He looked for someone, anyone to tell him where he was or why he was there. He walked in until he tarted to hear something. It sounded like someone was crying. Wanting to help and redeem himself, he followed the sound to see of he could help. He was shocked to see it was Emily. She was sitting on the curb if the street, sobbing.

Jayden crouched down next to her and put his hand on her shoulder. The yellow ranger looked up and jumped to her feet. "Stay away from me!" she backed up and ran off. Jayden wanted to go after her, but more crying found its way to him.

He followed the new sound to find its source. He saw Mike leaning against a wall. His head was in his chest while sobs shook his entire body. Jayden walked over, hoping to help. Mike heard him coming and looked up. His face contorted in fury. "You! Get away from me!" He ran off into the darkness, way from Jayden.

The red ranger looked after him in confusion. _Why won't they let me help them? _He continued wandering aimlessly. He saw Mia crying, sitting on a bench. Her face was in her hands, as her body shook. Jayden walked towards her, trying to help. Mia looked up and saw him. She got up and ran away, shouting "Stay away from me, traitor!" as she did.

Jayden blinked and continued on his path. He walked down another street and saw Kevin sitting in a meditation position. He wasn't moving, and had silent tears rolling down his face. Jayden approached him silently, hopping not to scare hill off. Kevin opened his eyes at the sound of Jayden's less-than-silent feet. He jumped up and sprinted off into the darkness; not even so much as looking back.

Jayden turned away and walked onwards. He soon found his path steering towards the docks. He saw someone, kneeling by the railing, sobbing endlessly. As he got closer he saw it was Lauren. His sister was unaware of his approach, leaving Jayden to hope he could get close enough to console her. He stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Ji.

"Haven't you done enough?" his mentor asked, his eyes cold and unforgiving. "You've already torn this team apart. You've killed an innocent life."

Jayden backed away from him and Lauren. He felt his quilt wash over him. His friends and mentor hated him. He was a monster to them. He looked down and saw the red gaps glowing.

"Mwaahhhaa!" an evil voice laughed. "Come join, us, Red Ranger. Come where you belong now."

Jayden's shook his head. He backed up even more, trying to escape. He fell to the ground as he tripped. He gasped when he saw Antonio, clutching a small bundle. Jayden reached over to see what the bundle was, but before he could something grabbed his foot. He kicked and wiggled, trying to throw it off; but to no avail. It dragged him to the gaps. "No! Someone help me! Please!"-

-Jayden screamed when he woke up, he couldn't help it. His heart was pounding and he was scared.

"Jayden," Daisuke said. "Calm down. It's ok. It was just a dream."

Jayden shook his head, sobbing. "No," he choked out. "It wasn't. It was a nightmare. A real one." Daisuke was shocked Jayden was talking to him. It nearly two and a held weeks since Antonio ha died. "I'm a monster. I killed him. I'm not better than a nighlock. I failed to protect him."

"Jayden," Daisuke said gently. "You aren't a monster."

"I am! And all my friends think it. Ji thinks it. That's why they sent me away."

"No," Daisuke responded shaking his head. "Ji sent you here because you needed special, one-on-one help he couldn't give you. He had to take care of your friends. We thought being in the Shiba House was too hard for you."

"I just want this feeling to go away. I don't want to despise myself, but I feel like I deserve it."

"Jayden, you did the right, thing. In a war like this we all have to choose between what is right, and what is easy. Most times the right choice isn't the easiest one." Daisuke saw his words had little effect on Jayden. "Come, we'll make some tea to calm you down." Jayden nodded and Daisuke pulled him out of bed.

-Life and Death-

Lauren smiled when she saw Antonio sitting next to her. His head was resting on her shoulder, his breath blowing gently on his neck. He kissed her neck softly. "Mi amor." Lauren smiled. Suddenly, Antonio stood up, pulling Lauren to her feet. Then, Antonio knelt down and kissed her stomach. He smiled up at her, his eyes shining with light. Lauren felt her heart life at the sight of it. Antonio stood up and took Lauren in his arms. "My love for you will never die," he whispered. He stormed her abdomen one more time before disappearing.-

Lauren woke up slowly and pleasantly. She smiled, as tears slipped slowly down her face. She turned over and went back to sleep, putting her hand on her stomach; still able to fell his touch.


End file.
